Slime bogeys

Yes we have all been there! We all have those days when the snot just wont behave itself and form into a nice compact bogey that you can handle with your standard nosepick.

Many of our customers here at Polock and Sons have been asking if we have a particular tool in development which could aid them with this problem.

Now we do appreciate that for the Lady or gentleman of distinction it can be embarassing to suffer from a long snot drool just as your being presented at Court or meeting the Chief Executive of some fabulous company. Normally we recommend the sleeve technique or ( as demonstrated by Mr Edmund Throgmorton in the accompanying photo) the "tongue scoop".

We realise though that there is clearly a demand for a more up to date method and we have been working for some time on our patented "Slime Sucker". Obviously I am reluctant to say too much about this until we begin our marketing drive. What I can say is that it consists essentially of a squeezable container and shaped nozzle. Our Slime Sucker will just suck those slime bogeys right out of there leaving your sleeve free for cleaning your teeth and your tongue free for any necessary arse licking at those important meetings. Watch out for the "Slime Sucker" soon!

Our marketing Department have been working on a viral advertising campaign for the Slime Sucker and for the Prince Charles ( which I spoke about in a previous post).

I am told that the latest advertising trick is that advertisers hire actors to go out and about and pretend to be ordinary people who are using and talking about their products . I gather our campaign is thinking about hiring a troop of particularly snotty nosed out of work Rumanian Actors to hang round Trafalgar Square demonstrating our products to tourists. Call me old fashioned but I still think you can't beat a well photographed magazine campaign.

The "Prince Charles" and the snail

We were finishing the design to the "Prince Charles" today.

This will be the dearest nosepick in our range. It has a specially designed bone scooper at one end and a diamond cut plucker/trimmer at the other.

This got me thinking about that difficult to handle bogey - the snail - which has a hard head but an unexpectedly long slimy tail. Current nosepick designs deal with plug bogeys and gel bogeys remarkably well. The gentleman need seldom resort to the use of the finger in polite company these days. From the cheapest, throw away "Mr Digger" design to the keenly awaited "Prince Charles" the gentleman is always ready to deal with those annoying nasal obstructions.

But snails are a nuisance. Of course many gentlemen become skilled snail handlers and can invariably guarantee that the snail correctly congeals to the nosepick. A gentleman may not always be in such control though. Who has not had the embarrassing experience in good company of being left with a dangling snail tail?

So I have been thinking. I suspect that it may be possible to design the nosepick in such a way that electro-static attraction can be used to improve snail tail adherence.

We intend to try a mock up of this design this evening and I will post again soon to let you know the results of our little experiment.

Happy nose picking!

Of course if any readers have comments on our nospeick range or the problem of snail tail adhesion we would be delighted to hear their comments below.

When to begin teaching technique?

This is a special Commission for the Beckhams youngest but there is an agreement that if we can do a good design then they will jointly market it. We have estimated that the market is worth over £100m for babypicks alone. We have been testing the latest "Babypick" this week with the secretary's son James. (See picture - supplied by Jamies dad.).

James is a cute kid and he seems to have taken to the baby pick mitt. We feel the design may require a little more work however as we are still concerned that there is the potential for him to poke himself in the eye. Its a difficult problem but of course one that as a professional nosepick designer I relish.